Shaving. That thing that 90% of the population HATE doing. But I can promise you, doing it when you’re broken is a whole new world of hate. I was in the shower, washing my hair yano ‘normal’ shower activities and when I bent down to start shaving my legs something hit me (probably a confused nerve sending a random message to the brain, but on this occasion that’s okay) – it really fkin hurts to shave your legs when you’re a #spoonie.
I’m speaking for vagina-owners here because I’m sure the world of shaving is a lot different for those carrying junk in their trunk but shaving is bloody difficult! When you pick up that razor and make the decision that today will be the day you rid yourself of that blasted body hair, you don’t think about all the ridiculous angles and positions you’ll find yourself in when trying to do so. I can’t be the only person that’s taken a moment to think and dreaded the idea that someone, anyone, may walk in on you whilst you’re bent over to one side with your leg in the air trying to make sure you’ve got rid of all those stubborn hairs – like for real it must look hella strange.
But let me tell you, when you live with a chronic illness those weird positions are made 10x as frustrating. On more than one occasion I have felt my joints go stiff when I’m balancing in a ridiculous position and just thought ah, hell! Stiff joints whilst you’re bent at a 90 degree angle IS NOT OKAY. The stiff joints are one thing but the pain is another, being a #spoonie usually means you’re in pain 99% of the time but of course, it just becomes second nature to you… but when you’ve forgotten your body doesn’t quite work properly (which I can tell you, I do a lot) and you’re using one hand to balance yourself against the wall, the other to control the razor and you have your legs going in opposite directions FORGETTING YOU DON’T QUITE WORK PROPERLY IS NEAR FATAL. You’re stood there, on the verge of losing your balance cussing yourself for forgetting that you have this ridiculous illness that no one has heard of, just waiting for your body to give up on you and wondering am I gunna have to call my mum to come and help me AGAIN? Because yah, it doesn’t matter how old you are – if you’re chronic, the people in your household better get used to seeing you naked.
But no one warns you of this! No one goes WARNING WARNING SHAVING IS ON THAT LIST OF THINGS YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN’T DO BUT NEED TO ANYWAY, because – why would they? And that list is a damn long list. I’m now going to take some morphine and pity myself for how much pain I’m in.